shine so bright and i refuse to burn out

I am still trying to fight off being overwhelmed by all the things I have on my plate not going to lie. Between things I've assigned myself, things I've picked up to do for other people, and my actual dayjob there's a lot to do and only one of me. Thankfully two things have happened, one being a lot of these things are on deadlines which means once that date has past they're done and I have one glass ball in the air juggling. The second is that Jess (@burstofhope.itch.io) the wonderful amazing person that they are has stepped in and taken up some of the things I was trying to do on my own - at their own expense! We are the worst combination to be left to our own devices - which has greatly lessened my load.

I can not wait for my blood work to be done so I can show the results to my psychiatrist and get back on my ADHD meds. Not because they fix me (I wish they were a solid fix) but because at least on the meds I can mostly guarantee 5-6 hours of dedicated focus. Even if sometimes that focus isn't on the correct task.

I will say that part of what's been contributing to the overwhelming feeling is me falling down sort of on my planner. Not that I don't set it up or that I don't look at it. But I've been for weeks doing this terrible thing where I set up my week, I look at it day after day, and then I don't do what's in my planner and act shocked when my schedule is all fucked up. I am in fact my own worst enemy. But I swear I'm gonna get it the fuck together! Especially before I get to the actually overwhelmed and oh shit burned out stage because I'm not there yet and I don't wanna start toeing that line.

July can not come soon enough. I will have so many less things on my plate (obviously) but I also have Vans Warped Tour in Long Beach to look forward to and that's gonna be an amazing two days of my year. I might even try to vlog about it depending on what bag I bring and how I'm getting down to Long Beach. Also if you saw a post about a April vlog no the fuck you didn't. Whatever is happening over with my youtube channel (and my twitch for that matter) is a July Imani task to handle but know it is something I will be coming back to just not right now.

Speaking of things for future Imani, I do have two blog post in the works that I will be dropping in the future. This is being mentioned because I continue to think (and believe) if I say it out loud where someone else can see it I'm more likely to finish it. One of which is titled "Held Hostage By A Society" which is mostly about me trying to get back on the medication that I already know works, that my doctor also knows works, and yet its going on three months into this process and it hasn't happened because of the hoops one has to jump through. Not a unique experience given the American health care industry but this is my blog and I can beat that dead horse as much as I want. Which is a terrible fucking euphemism I gotta say.

The other blog post I started working on is a follow up to a Atmosphere post I made titled "You Are Not Fucking Kirby".

Because fandom and fanfiction is such a big part of my life I spend way too much time thinking about. And since I've been reading fanfic since I was 11 (do not do the math) and in and out of fandoms ever since specifically online I think about how its changed and involved over the years. In some ways for the better and in many ways for the worse.

So please look forward to those writings from me. Plus whatever writings I post over on Signed Ionie.